Mother’s Day tainted…

How am I suppose to enjoy Mother’s Day when I don’t feel like I can be a mum, everyone’s eyes on me the whole time the stress of knowing I’m facing court soon and still they try say I may of disgustingly put these things into my daughters head.

Child in need meeting last week due to my daughters sexualised behaviour and he was there with his mother, sitting there with his snap back backwards (not that I have a problem with them) ripped jeans and dirty trainers not once looking at the social worker not at all interested more interested at picking his nails and looking at his shoes like a prepubescent child.

Is this the man that could have contact with my child who looks like he couldn’t give two s*#ts that my precious daughter is having several different councelling sessions that my daughter has nightmares screaming most nights that my daughter is wetting her bed that HIS son sexually abused her and allowed it to happen. 

Apparently I’m not allowed to say his son has sexually abused her as it’s only alledged and not proven so says the social worker well I tell you what I believe everything that my baby has told me so yes she has been sexually abused in one of the worst ways possible!!!

Today she will get another card from wankstain pretending his a fantastic father it makes her so confused my daughter doesn’t understand how he’s nice in cards but horrible in real life “mummy why does he say nice things cos when I see him he scares me and has a angry face and says he’s going to put nails in my throat!”

This week to buy a dream catcher yes they don’t work but may help my baby think it does because she screams for him not to take her. She told me she sees him in her room and is scared to sleep she thinks he will get her, she says she hates to see her name written on the certificates in my kitchen because it has his surname on it and she wants to be the same as her “nice daddy”,

My heads frazzled I don’t want to be here I want to end it all but I can’t I have 4 kids needing me, I don’t want to do it anymore, I don’t want to fight, I don’t want the stress, I can’t cope. I want to run away. I dream of happiness.

Some days I wish she never told me I know it’s so so selfish but I was getting on with life I feel so guilty for saying that. My hearts broken and I don’t know how to fix it.

I need someone to take over I need someone to fight my corner I need someone who knows what they are doing, I don’t know what else I can do.

My daughters school told the social worker I don’t read with my daughter I went mad how even dare they,I love reading. I read daily and nightly with my babies at the minute we are reading the bfg in fact I said that school hasn’t even changed her book in months and she’s having to share my sons book. When I have so much on me how could they add to my stress I left them a disgusting letter in her filled up reading record (from me not reading to her 😑)  and I actually volunteer  and read with that bloody school and see how many parents don’t even bother once a week…. how dare they!!

You know yesterday was lovely we went to a beautiful park and lake bike riding but still even riding round there I had all this in my head, I got home bathed the kids then sobbed sobbed so hard no more tears could come. I just can’t do this no more.

The reality these days is that mothers are just not believed because of the vile women out there who do lie who are vindictive the women who are only protecting are looked upon as the same. It’s sickens me when I hear or see a mum say “he can’t see my kids he don’t pay me nothing” Do they know what they are doing to the family law systems 😑

I’m scared April 24th is nearly hear still need to earn another Β£2000 to pay for a barrister who actually doesn’t give a sh*# just another number to tick off there jobs list. Is there anyone out there doing it because they actually care or is it just all about money these days 😞

My eldest who’s 10 is angry he never got justice neither did my other son but luckily he’s too young to remember

I’m scared will he won’t be believed or will it be another thing for them to say I’ve made it up even though all them years back I have social services reports about the abuse on both of my sons.

I don’t even know why I write these but as I am it’s calming me down.

One day I prey for justice I prey to keep my children safe I prey I have the help and support and I prey no one will ever have to go through what my family have been.

New email address 

Thank you for all that have shared so far you are in my thoughts everyday and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

All those who have shared advice 😘❀ thank you also every little helps xxxx

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